“How many pencils do I have left? Not many.  How much patience do I possess?  Going on lingering and far between.  It’s almost as if the pencils in my extra pencil drawer are a reflection of me.”

“Too many tell me I can’t have God, but don’t tell me I can’t have faith.”

Broken Pencils

Pencils falling to the ground. 

Books pile up in lost and found.

I wonder if I’m doing this right.  I wonder if something may work out right.

I question if smiling faces will return, or if my voice will be left unheard.

How many years did I work for this?  I find myself repeating once more, shifting desks, 

Collecting papers, disillusioned and unsure.

“Next year will be better,” but some how it doesn’t make the present so.  

Can the future correct the past?

Wouldn’t I like to know.

 

Who I Am

I am missing books and crowded rooms, broken pencils, and stressful nights.

Colorful patterns and wishing for lights.

I’m walking the halls and worrying too much.

I’m using boys as a crutch.

I’m finding myself unexpectedly.

I’m a seeker of the God, who seeks after me.

I’m a lost girl playing dress-up, pretending to be okay.

I’m a woman of strength and love, even when I’m unaware.

I’m of doing what’s right and good and loving when no else seems to care.

I’m giggling for no reason and smiling just because.

I’m happy on my own and amazed at how I’ve grown.

I’m brave and willing to step out, centered when nothing seems right.

 

~~I stood up and shared both poems above the first night I moved to the little town I live in, at an open mic night at a local Art Gallery.  About two years ago, I was a struggling first year teacher, trying to make friends and find a voice, and do all of the “Life things” at one time.  I came across these poems today, that mean so much to me, folded up and smooshed between lots of “not so important” things.  I am amazed at how much my heart and voice have both changed and stayed almost exactly the same.

These poems that I stood up and read in front of an audience I didn’t know, led me to make some amazing connections that would shape me for the next two years.  I am thankful that these poems came into my life at just the right time and that I allowed my inner-voice to take me on the path that I have traveled on for the last two years.  Grateful for all that bravery can lead us to, and hoping that your writing voice may do the same and more for you.

Much Love

Lauren