On Grace and Safety Nets

They say being allowed to fail is the greatest motivator of success. The tight rope walker walks confidently along the narrowing rope, knowing in her being the net rests below, waiting to catch her with each bend and flow. 

She moves on steadily, because she may fall.

If she does, she will rise once more above them all.

Who do you need to serve as a net for today, tomorrow, or in the future? A moment that probably changed the course of my future in more ways than I realized came from a professor telling me on the brink of my destruction that it would be okay if I didn’t make it to the end of the school day or school month or school year. All that mattered was that me, myself, I, was still here. 

I pressed on because I knew that the net was there. I had been given permission and grace to fall. I had received the permission to give up on it all. And in that moment, I knew what to do. I would walk the tightrope because I knew, the fear that had hung over me was no longer there. The fear had vanished and my shoulders were bare. 

We allow fear to rest heavily on our shoulders when we and others do not allow us the grace to fall. When fear rests on our shoulders, the weight is often too heavy for us to walk the tightrope at all. 

In what ways do you need to allow your own self to fail? To put up the very real net to catch your own self?

In what ways do you need to be a net to someone else? Give someone else permission and grace to fail? 

God’s grace is new with each day. We are allowed to fail and it is okay. How does our grace need to be made new today? 

We cast ourselves into the water
float down the stream
find a place amidst the rain

Take a turn and choose a path
marking down each lap
wondering how to leave the past

Picking one and letting go
of that which doesn't seem to flow
down the river of our chosen path

Into the tunnel of darkness we go
hoping that this one will find us in the throws 
of seas that tumble left and right but never sink us fully

Stranded we find that we stand on the island
looking around for anything to hold
wondering how to escape the hold

We embark on our boat once again and travel backwards, upwards, onwards once more
getting so lost we lose track of the score
finding in the end we were yet so close

To the crown that sits on the nest of the peaks
outstanding all of our deficits and unwillingness to seek
it waits in its glory above all the storms, untethered, unbroken, un-weathered and safe

Guarded and rested above all the clouds
it waits for us to rise above all of our proud
to reach where we thought we couldn't quite go or shouldn't or wouldn't even if we dared to know

We travel down streams and conduits and alleys
turning left and right and looking for light
if we only looked up and saw, we could see!

It's not left or right we should be going
but up to the trees
above the clouds and sky and rain

Up where it's safe and clear and plane
we had only to reach above where we thought
the ends of our thoughts reached the ends of their time

The beauty of the crown that sits far and wide
resting above our heads all this time
waiting for us to reach to the glory that it is

How sweet and wonderful is that moment which begins.

Over this past year, I have learned that I am happiest when I’m creating.  The medium doesn’t so much matter: espresso and foam with beautiful flavors, creating lesson plans, cooking new recipes,  knitting needles and colorful yarn, Thankfulness Jars and custom journals with beautiful ribbon, articles that reflect the words of my soul, painting in the middle of the night for just me, and decorating coffee cups for those who are willing to see.  

Even as I have gone on this journey, the creativeness inside of me has refused to stay hidden, to stay underwraps.  It’s as if it’s been seeping out of me in every aspect of my life, every second of my every day.  My desire to create is no longer allowing itself to stay quiet.  

I cap the bright pink Sharpie and rotate my cup to examine my work.  An extra round light blue snowman, with a bright orange nose, swirls of light blue wind and snowflakes, and a sweet saying at the top: “Dance in the snow like everyone is watching.”  It was one of the faster creations I had done in the middle of the coffee shop rush.  The line kept growing as people poured in through the door.  The list of drinks I had to make kept expanding on the hanging ticket line, like a never-ending grocery list.  Yet, the creative pulse inside of me had made me create a snowman in the snow on this hot cup of tea, even when my brain said, “You don’t have time for that. You have a job to do, and there’s too many things to do.” My heart did it anyway.  I made time for the creative energy.  And, it easily has become one of the best parts of my day.  

How often do we say no?  When saying yes to that call within us would allow us the enjoyment and happiness in our everyday work, because simply saying yes would allow us to be our true selves, and answer our true calling.  Creating.  Decorating coffee cups had become the new way that my creative inner cup began to overflow.  Not only was I expanding my own inner light, but I was finding a way to fill others’ coffee cups, literally and figuratively.  What a beautiful thing.

Amidst my coffee cup overflowing journey this year, I’ve realized, the job is not what makes you you.  In fact, if you’re truly being your authentic self, the job has nothing to do with you.  Rather, it’s almost the exact reverse.  In fact, the true you will come through, regardless of the job you’re expected to do.  If you’re making coffee, maybe you’ll start decorating coffee cups with beautiful little sayings.  If you’re working in an office, maybe you’ll find some unique way to encourage the co-workers in your life and bring a smile to those around you each day.  If you’re a nurse, maybe you’ll find a way to make the child in your life that day laugh, even as you perform the scariest of tasks.  The true you shines through, when you least expect it, no matter what you do.  I’ve heard people say that before, but it took this past year to realize that yes, it’s actually true.

In what way do you decorate coffee cups?  How does the inner you come out of you during the day, no matter what your “expected job” is?  Maybe, the inner you just needs you to say yes, and even though your mind is saying, “No, we don’t have time for that,”  the inner you is screaming for it to come through.  What is your version of decorating coffee cups, my friend?  Is it creativity, is it laughter, is it encouragement, or wisdom?  What is the true you that shines through, no matter where you are or what you’re doing?  Ask God to show it to you, and I have true faith that He will.  For when cups overflow, they tend to spill into others’.  For, that seems to be God’s ultimate intention.  For us to share our overflowing cups with others.  What do you need to say yes to today?  What is the you that comes through each and every day?

Much Love,

Lauren

Yellow houses
pink front doors
Standing out among the stores

Pretty houses
pink sunsets
Have I made a right turn yet?

Pink umbrellas in the light
standing tall among the strife
Wondering about the meaning of life

Pink houses
yellow kitchens
umbrellas in the yard
How many times do I discard?

Finding peace among the grass
tall places amidst the trash
Understanding even less

Yellow houses
pink front doors
I wonder what else is next door

Make a list of the things that make you happy. The big things, the little things, the things only you notice. What creates a singing smile on your face?–A smile so big that it might as well be singing acapella music for everyone around you.

Write them down and turn them into a poem. Keep this list close by, somewhere you can see it. Remember it on the hard days, and seek out something or someone of your “Singing Smiles” list.

What people and things does your heart already know creates a singing smile for you wherever you go? Reflect, write, and seek out singing smiles.

Pink sunsets and holding hands
Sitting your ass deep in the sand

Hot coffee cups and funny mugs
A blanket that fits awfully snug

A journal that has yet to be cracked
A brand new pencil and empty pages at that

A warm bubble bath and fresh cut flowers
The smell of sage and the morning after

Sitting in the grass and laughing for hours
Holding a four year old's hand and believing in magical powers

Writing until your soul can't speak any more
Grounding into the Earth as you lay on the floor

Finding a moment to breathe and be still
Finally being able to feel

Laughing until you pee your pants
Letting go of all your "I can'ts"

Taking a trip that just can't wait
Finding a fish to take your bait

Manifesting your deepest desires
Finding what sets your soul on fire

“You don’t have to perform autopsies on all of your disasters.”

“Own your disappointment, acknowledge it for what it is, and move on…Someday it might all make sense to you–why you needed to go through this botched-up mess in order to land in a better place. Or maybe it will never make sense.

So be it.

Move on, anyhow.”

–Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear [Elizabeth Gilbert]

Write something down about who you are at this moment, on this day, where you are in your place on this Earth. Make it a poem, make it a note, make it a 5-word statement.  Where are you from?  What are you made of?  Who are the beautiful, enchanted beings who crafted you?

Take what hurts you and let it feed your soul.

“The most terrible and beautiful and interesting things happen in a life.  Whatever happens to you belongs to you.  Make it yours.  Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow.  Let it nurture you, because it will.”

-[“Brave Enough,” Cheryl Strayed]

The fun thing about writing who you are is that it’s rarely the same from the last time you sat down and wrote this poem, yet sometimes it’s so much the same it scares even you.  Write down your note, or your poem, or your one-liner and save it.  Read it tomorrow, next week, or next year.  Let it allow you to reflect on self, where you’ve been, and where you hope to be.

Lauren

 

Stop and breathe

Find a place to lay your piece

Amongst the Butterfly bushes and fresh cut flowers

 

How do you unveil all your God-given powers?

Do you travel the world and run free and crazy,

Or do you find someone to love you admidst all that’s hazy?

 

Do you focus on your career 

And make a list of all the things you’ll do this year?

Do you sit in the mountains and be in awe and wonder?

 

Do you keep practicing making yet another blunder?

Do you make the mistake just to do it again?

Or do you learn something this time to help you, my friend?

 

Do you sing to your own song

Or find someone else’s you like better?

Do you perhaps finally get your shit together?

 

Do you travel to the islands and wait tables

Or do you work some corporate job that helps you fit in with the labels?

Do you write your story or do you change paths all together

 

Do you follow the rain storm, the sun storm, the snow storm, the weather?

Swim across all the clouds and waves

Or simply find a nice rock to sit on the rest of your days?

 

Do you go on an inspired treasure hunt journey to find what you’re looking for? 

Do you see a psychic to tell you just what it is that is in store?

 

Do you wait on your soul to catch up to your mind?

Or do you simply go see what you can find?

 

Do you make up a careful plan, or do you just get going?

Or do you simply pray to God that along your journey you may keep growing

 

“How many pencils do I have left? Not many.  How much patience do I possess?  Going on lingering and far between.  It’s almost as if the pencils in my extra pencil drawer are a reflection of me.”

“Too many tell me I can’t have God, but don’t tell me I can’t have faith.”

Broken Pencils

Pencils falling to the ground. 

Books pile up in lost and found.

I wonder if I’m doing this right.  I wonder if something may work out right.

I question if smiling faces will return, or if my voice will be left unheard.

How many years did I work for this?  I find myself repeating once more, shifting desks, 

Collecting papers, disillusioned and unsure.

“Next year will be better,” but some how it doesn’t make the present so.  

Can the future correct the past?

Wouldn’t I like to know.

 

Who I Am

I am missing books and crowded rooms, broken pencils, and stressful nights.

Colorful patterns and wishing for lights.

I’m walking the halls and worrying too much.

I’m using boys as a crutch.

I’m finding myself unexpectedly.

I’m a seeker of the God, who seeks after me.

I’m a lost girl playing dress-up, pretending to be okay.

I’m a woman of strength and love, even when I’m unaware.

I’m of doing what’s right and good and loving when no else seems to care.

I’m giggling for no reason and smiling just because.

I’m happy on my own and amazed at how I’ve grown.

I’m brave and willing to step out, centered when nothing seems right.

 

~~I stood up and shared both poems above the first night I moved to the little town I live in, at an open mic night at a local Art Gallery.  About two years ago, I was a struggling first year teacher, trying to make friends and find a voice, and do all of the “Life things” at one time.  I came across these poems today, that mean so much to me, folded up and smooshed between lots of “not so important” things.  I am amazed at how much my heart and voice have both changed and stayed almost exactly the same.

These poems that I stood up and read in front of an audience I didn’t know, led me to make some amazing connections that would shape me for the next two years.  I am thankful that these poems came into my life at just the right time and that I allowed my inner-voice to take me on the path that I have traveled on for the last two years.  Grateful for all that bravery can lead us to, and hoping that your writing voice may do the same and more for you.

Much Love

Lauren

 

June 16, 2020

Rhyme Scheme-“Shmime Scheme”–You don’t have to have rhyme scheme or follow any kind of pattern.  Sit down and write a rhythm inspired poem, a free-verse poem, or perhaps even a grocery list of the things and people you’re thankful for.  My heart is so in awe at how thankfulness, on even the so difficult days, can be the antidote to even the deepest dark hole.  

Let your heart be thankful for the big things, the small things, the little tiny moments that come from strangers.  Be the stranger that offers to pray for the sobbing girl in the bathroom.  You could honest to God change her life.

~Praying that you remember you are loved this week, that you do in fact have a family and are a member of the family of God, that you can find joy and thankfulness in even the smallest moments of light.  

Lauren